I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
