So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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