Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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