Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
