I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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