Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
