Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
