I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
