peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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