he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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