I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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