She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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