Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
