after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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