I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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