Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
