Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
