we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
