Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
