whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize