when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
