I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
