why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
