She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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