I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
