So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
