I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Of course I have a pirate flag
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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