Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
