I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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