scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The air was thick with penises
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize