you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
