He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
