i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
