I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
