I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
