First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
