why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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