I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
