Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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