ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
