Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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