Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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