Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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