He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
tell me about the fingering
Randomize