Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i already hear my dad disowning me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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