His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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