i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
