I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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