my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
