If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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