i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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