Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
