I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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