How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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