I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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