New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
