You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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