No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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