do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
