i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
