we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize