You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
