my mouth tastes like poor choices
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
