I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My vagina just clenched in fear
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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