Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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