can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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