I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
