Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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