just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize