Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
