So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
