i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
